Army Jokes

The Government were interviewing selected army personnel for a specific ‘hit’  Operation two males and a female were down to the final test, the Officer in Charge selected  one of the males and pointed him towards a padded room. And handed him a gun. “We need to be sure  that you can follow  instructions, whatever  the circumstances.  Inside  you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!”
The  soldier said, “No,  I would never shoot my wife.” The  Officer in Charge said, ” Sorry – you have failed the test Take your wife home. And report for your usual duties”
The second Soldier  was given the same Test He took the gun but returned minutes later  “I can’t kill my wife.” The Officer in charge said, ” You are not the man we need . Take your wife  home. then report back to HQ.”
Finally, it was the Female’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.  Taking the gun, she stepped into the room; seconds later several  Shots rang out,  another and another. Followed by screaming, crashes, banging and several loud thuds. . . Then all went quiet. . The Female Soldier returned covered in sweat and blood from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks”  she shouted  “I had to beat him to death with the barrel”.

   A young man joined the Army and signed up to be a paratrooper. After weeks of training, the young got to jump out of his first plane. The man watched people ahead of him go and when it was his turn to jump, he got scared and sat back down. The troop leader said to the young man, “If you don’t jump out of this plane I’ll stick my dick up your ass!” 
   A few weeks later, the young man returned home and told his father what happened, and he said, “did you jump?”
   The boy said, “A little at first!”

Army Jokes

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