Three Australian jokes


An Englishman has arrived at Sydney airport for a trip back to the UK.   He had planned everything to the finest detail but had totally forgotten the newly introduced departure tax; He had already converted his cash into pounds.

” excuse me “, he said as he approached the guy at the departure tax office.  “Excuse me, I am about to return to England, and it will cost Me $5 .00. Can you lend me some money/.”

The Aussie on the counter flicked him a $20 note.  Yes, Mate. Here is a $20 take three of your bloody Pommy mates with you.                                         



A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way, he saw a bloke having sex with a  sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and
ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg flogging himself furiously at the bar.
     “For Gawd’s sake!” the bloke cried, “what the hell’s going  on here? I’ve been here one hour, and I’ve seen a bloke  shagging a sheep, and now some bloke’s wanking himself off in the bar!”  “Fair dinkum, mate,” the bartender told him, “you can’t  expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!”



“You will love it in Australia.” The immigration officer told the Englishman as he arrived for his new life in Australia, “The Australians are the greatest people in the world; they will give you the clothes off their back and share their food. Give you shelter in their homes, and never criticise your bad habit . . . But I advise you to stay away from the White Bastards.


Leave a Reply