1962 Mark 11 2.4 litre Jaguar,

Owned by  – Les and Delma Clarke Nth Rockhampton

An original vehicle in Cotswold blue, Les tells me that the 2.4 was the smallest Mark 11 ever made (125 BHP)

The Mark II Jaguar is a small saloon car by US standards. It is a well-known car that was driven by the fictional TV detective “Inspector Morse” played by Mr John Thaw. The Mark II series adhered to the grace, space and pace”, which is also a conventionally fast, capable, and beautiful saloon car. It has a 2.4-litre straight 6-cylinder engine. The head of the 4.2 engines in type E was significantly different. This is to accommodate larger valves of the car.

The 2.4 engines were fitted with “twin solexes” of which three were used in the US specification 3.8s and 3.4s in order to meet “SMOG” emissions legislation. However, this reduced the performance over the equivalent “S.U.” carburettors examples.

Mark II gained a reputation for transcending the borders of breeding and class in the 60s. This breaks down the barriers in the name of good taste, which has enough room for five men and a big boot for the loot or bodies.

1969 Jaguar 4.21 E Type 2 plus 2

Owned By Chris and Della Kyte. Gladstone


1969 Jaguar 4.21 E Type 2 Plus 2

The “Sports Car International” is considered the E type, also known as the XK-E type of Jaguar, as one of the lists of “Top Sports Cars of the 60s” in 2004. This type of Jaguar was manufactured between “1961” and “1974”. It was designed as an E-typed revolutionized sports car with high performance and looks ahead of time.

Several variants of this Jaguar car were produced from 1961 to 1974. However, All Type E has the same feature of a fully independent suspension to improve the handling and the ride with power-assisted “disc brakes” on all four wheels.

In 1966, a 2 plus 2 version of the coupe was added. This type of Jaguar offered an automatic transmission. The roof angles differ, and the body is slightly longer than other Jaguar car models. The roadster remained a strict two-seater.

The series II has an open headlight without the glass covers, which earlier cars had problems with misting despite the gaskets, a “wrap-around” rear bumper, and larger and repositioned front indicators below the bumpers are the taillights. It has better cooling, aided by an “enlarged” mouth and twin electric fans. The series 2 have the hallmark of the uprated brakes.

1982 Jaguar Series 3v XJ6 Saloon

Owned by Franklin and Marie Smallcombe. Gladstone.


1982 Jaguar Series 3v XJ6 Saloon

In 1979, the XJ had a new face that was known as the Series 3. “Piniinfarina” redesigned its version of a long-wheelbase car into a subtle face. Three engine variants include 4.2L Straight 6, 5.3L V12, and 3.4L straight 6. The larger “6-cylinder”, and “V12” models incorporated a “Bosch” fuel injection, which was under license by Lucas, while carburettors made the smaller version of the 6-cylinder.
Smaller “3.4L – 6-cylinder engine was not offered here in the US. However, the short-wheelbase saloon and coupe had been dropped during the final years of the II XJ series.



Series III model provided an option to have a sunroof that is made for the first time on an “XJ model” jaguar. In 1882, the interior of the Jaguar model XJ had a minor upgrade. On the same year, the “Vanden Plas” model became available in the market. This is the type of top-level XJ saloon that is still available in the US until now

1974 Daimler DS420 Limousine

This is what the car looked like when purchased. Gun metal grey with a light blue/grey leather interior. Fortunately, the leather is in very good condition, and the body has minimal rust.

Owner Ron Mcgrice

Queensland Jaguar Drivers Club Caricornia Register

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1974 Daimler DS420 Limousine

In 1968, DS420 Daimler was launched. It took the floor plan of the 420G Jaguar car flagships. The only difference of the Daimler DS420 is its extra 20in or 51 cm length into the wheelbase. The passenger seat is on a bench behind the division glass in opulent comfort. It has a rear seat of more than six feet or 1.38m in width.

The speed available from this model with 245bhp, three automatic speed, independently suspended, 4 wheels “disc braked” Daimler limousine was 176km/h or 110mph.

This model has been the funeral trade as hearses or mourners’ cars. Many embassies and local authorities bought this type of car. The Regent Hotel in particular, in Hong Kong, has run a 22 cars fleet until now. The Queen Mother – Queen Elizabeth and Queen Elizabeth II still have their Daimler DS420 Limousine, the car serves as a reminder of the “royal patronage” that Daimler lost to “Rolls Royce” during the year 50s.

The Daimler DS420 Limousine could easily reach a “110mph” flat but never reached above “30mph”.

Queensland Jaguar Drivers Club Capricornia Branch

1958 Jaguar 2.4 Mark 1 Saloon

1958 Jaguar

2.4 Mark 1 Saloon Restoration Project

Owned by Chris Shaw Gladstone

n 1955, Mark 1 saloon, which was relatively small, was launched. It was the first “monocoque” or unibody car from the Jaguar Company. Mark 1 Jaguar car used a 2.4L, a short-stroke version of Engine XK.


The car was improved in 1959. Jaguar Company made the new version with wider windows and a larger engine.

The XK series engine of Mark I are the XKR and XK8. A British Jaguar automaker has produced them since 1997. The XK8 engine was the first 8-cylinder car produced by Jaguar when the engine AJ-V8 Jaguar was launched.

The XK series engines of Mark I are limited to a top speed of 250 km/h or 155 mph. And through the years, the XK8 engine changed the company’s direction and produced the X-type and S-type engines.
Queensland Jaguar Drivers Club Capricornia Branch

1955 Mark 7 Jaguar.

In 1951, a breakthrough from Jaguar Car happened when they launched the XK120 sports car with the new XK twin overhead cam, 3.5L and a 6-cylinder designed engine, which Mr William Heynes and Claude Bailey contributed. It was initially intended as a short production of two hundred vehicles as a bed test for the new engine until it produced the new Mark 7 Jaguar saloon.

In 1951, the first Mark 7 Jaguar saloon model was launched and was introduced in the market. A Jaguar car was intended for the American market. It was at this time Jaguar Company was overwhelmed with orders. Mark 7 Jaguar saloon gathered excellent reviews from Road & Track and Motor magazine. It was in 1956 when Mark 7 Jaguar model won the prestigious “Monte Carlo Rally” award.

Mathew and Julie Bennets 1955 Mark 7 Jaguar.

Rockhampton, Queensland, The engine for this car (the original) was found in a shed in Mt Morgan and is safely tucked away in Matthew’s shed. The Mark 7 is presently running around with a Holden 202 motor installed. The original motor will return to its rightful place one day.
The colour is Old English White.

Mark and Julie purchased this beauty in Dec 1996. And this vehicle is another one that is gradually being restored, although the significant work the Bennets have done (before Feb 97).

1973 V 12 Series I XJ Vanden Plas – Restoration

RESTORATION\

There was absolutely no intention to purchase a rare V12 engined series 1 XJ model Vanden Plas, and I barely knew of the model since none were sold new in Australia.
After restoring a 3.8 litre S-Type a number of years ago and becoming actively involved in the Queensland Jaguar Club via one of its Country Registers (Rockhampton), the bug hit me again, and I was on the lookout for another project to dirty my hands on!
A V12 engined saloon had long been a dream I harboured, and it seemed that either a later HE sedan or a very early Series 1 would be desirable.
A few cars came up over the next year, but one disadvantage of living in Australia six hundred kilometres from the capital city is that by the time you get a chance to look at a worthwhile car it is invariably sold! I missed out on a few likely vehicles through that problem, and still have not forgiven the owners…
However, a likely V12 saloon was eventually located ‘only’ a few hundred kilometres up the coast, and although not sounding in an overly good and long-loved condition, it was a likely candidate for restoration despite not being a Jaguar- but a very tantalising ultra-luxurious, and rare Series 1 Daimler Vanden Plas
Photo Above Breathtaking Stuff The task size is as obvious as the complexity behind the dash.Photo
Breathtaking stuff. The task size is as obvious as the complexity behind the dash.
From The Australia Jaguar Magazine, Edition no 70,
By Gladstone V.C.C.C   &  Queensland Jaguar Drivers Club   Member,    Max Parnell
Photo Left
showing Body Rust In this instance, the rear parcel shelf

Van den Plas (the man) began coachbuilding in Belgium in 1853 and produced carriages with that ‘little bit extra’. Vanden Plas (the company) as we know it was established in England as a specialist motor body builder. Although no longer related, Van den Plas and Vanden Plas retained very close links with Jaguar after 1945. Vanden Plas (the British one) continued to build specialised bodies. When the Belgian Government imposed heavy taxes on imported cars in 1946, the national distributor there, Joska Bourgeois (and her Australian partner Nick Haynes), set up a business arrangement with William Lyons for Van den Plas to assemble 3.5 Litre (MkIV) Saloons in that country. That was the first time Jaguars were assembled outside Coventry, and a successful working arrangement continued for two until the taxes were lifted. In 1970 Jaguars were again assembled in Belgium – but now under British Leyland and with no relationship to Van den Plas!

When in 1972, the V12-powered Daimler was produced on the XJ body, and Lofty England was the chairman of Jaguar cars, he revived the charismatic 1930s V12 Daimler model name ‘double six’, with which he had been associated as a Daimler apprentice. It presented an ideal opportunity to work again with Vanden Plas in Kingsbury, London on an exceptionally high-quality carriage.
The Vanden Plas XJs were also the very first of the range to be sold with the long wheelbase body, but the extra 4″ into the rear passenger compartment proved to be such a success that it was soon announced as an optional extra on the series 1 XJ12, and in several years would be standard on all XJs with the exception of the two-door XJ-C

Vanden Plas is now owned by Jaguar and operated out of its Browns Lane headquarters, where Vanden Plas craftsmen built the famed Daimler DS420 limousine.
However, back in the early 1970s, Vanden Plas was still independent and mainly employed fitting out the Austin Princess. In order to produce the finished series 1, Daimler Vanden Plas, a standard V12 (but with a long wheelbase body) was sent down the production line only to emerge prematurely with one basic coat of paint and no interior.

The photo below – The sheer size of the Motor and the gearbox is well illustrated.

Photo above left – With the characteristic ‘beaver tail’ removed, the extent of the rust necessitated the removal of rear guards and tanks.

The incomplete car was transported by truck to London, where Vanden Plas craftsmen would flatten the single coat of paint before applying a further three from its unique colour range.

Brisbane co-owner of Heritage Trimmers Michael Elms was a select upholsterer with a Vanden Plas apprenticeship then and recalled trimming these and other Daimlers for Jaguar cars. According to Michael, Vanden Plas was assigned myriad specially ordered vehicles, including DS420 limousines with individual fittings for business or royalty, plus the off Vanden Plas V12 XJ-C and, of course, these four-door series 1 saloon.
The Queen Mother, whilst visiting Vanden Plas in 1972 when her latest DS-420 limousine was being prepared, inquired about the origins of a nearby car. It was as you might have guessed a Series 1 Vanden Plas, and a version was duly supplied for her use.
The Series 1 Vanden Plas (it has no Jaguar or Daimler badge) has many features not included on a Jaguar until the Series 3 sovereign nearly ten years later, and the very low build of only 337 in RHD and a mere 5 LHD examples, means it remains highly prized. With the vast majority of series 1 Vanden Plas having been sold and driven in the UK, the rust general wear and tear makes it not difficult to imagine how few examples survive! Perhaps half a dozen may be in Australia, all personal imports, and even that few may be a worthwhile percentage of all surviving examples.
We estimate that perhaps as few as 50 of these beauties exist.

The particular vehicle which I saw being advertised in the distance (from Coventry at least!) Queensland tropics was #243 and proclaimed by the owner as needing only a re-spray, and supposedly, the engine had recently been rebuilt (why are so many Jaguars advertised like this?).
However, the coating of oil underneath and the rust in the A-pillar and boot indicated a complete rebuild was the way to go despite the car’s driving remarkably well. I believe this, and its rarity and heritage made it worth saving.
I said I wanted a challenge, so the first task was to strip the body and see what effort would be needed to repair the shell. As always, the further the task progressed, the worse the news.
The little bit of rust in the pillars was nothing! The rear window had been leaking for a long time, and water had entered the rear parcel shelf, run down the back of the seat, into the rear wheel arch and along the sill. The beaver panel had been ‘bogged’ and riveted to what was left of the spare wheel well,

But the most serious rust was in the car’s rear, with those panels surrounding the fuel tanks requiring complete replacement.

I next removed the front passenger guard, which proved to be extraordinarily heavy – another XJ made of good British steel? No way, masses of bronze welding had been used to repair minor accident damage, and it felt like an anchor! At this point, it became important to evaluate whether to go ahead and repair the original body or purchase a wreck and transfer the components… After all, nobody would know – but I would – this car was worth the effort, and besides, I’ve seen worse examples that owners had proudly restored and featured in English magazines.
    So the original body was duly delivered to a local panel works which I have faith in; I have worked on Jaguars beforehand and specialise in unusual makes – The Jaguar was parked next to a Cadillac at one stage and looked positively small in comparison! Replacement body panels were used where available, and old-fashioned skills revived to beat a flat piece of steel into shape for the half of that “heavy guard”. This may make it all sound simple, but in summary, after many hours of painstaking and often frustrating effort, the body was ready for stripping to totally bare metal for the re-spray.
    The suspension was quickly found to be in a poor and definitely unsafe condition. One front ball- joint was worn to a flat surface, the rubber mounts holding the front suspension to the body had completely detached, the steering rack leaked very badly (an exchange unit was fitted), but I couldn’t believe how well the car had driven in this state. Just how good was it going to be when new bushes and other new components were fitted?
    Attention was next given to the engine, which was leaking oil (of course) and had one cylinder showing very low compression. While out of the car the huge engine received new gaskets, seals on both ends of the crankshaft, a few new valves, a replacement piston and ancillary units such as the starter motor and alternator also received attention. The gearbox had recently been reconditioned and so was not touched. The diff pinion seal was replaced along with a stainless steel sleeve, and the rear brake callipers were split to have new pistons fitted.
    Back on the trailer for the short trip from the panel shop to the spray booth, a decision was needed as to the colour.   
In my mind, Jaguar V12 look ‘Purrfect’ in British Racing Green. Still, the Jaguar Daimler Heritage Trust Certificate obtained from Ann Harris at browns lane showed the original colour to have been ‘Morello’….
    So what does Morello look like?
    Nobody knew, but a formula was found in an older book, so the paint shop mixed up enough to spray a display panel. Mmmm, sort of like a good red wine, or as other unkindly remarked – a squashed mulberry! With Morello exterior and a new chamois interior to replace the old split seats and water-damaged door trims it should look OK – so on with the two-pack paint. A new vinyl roof and a careful restoration of the inlaid dash and door panels (unique to Sanden Pals at the time) saw the body ready to accept the engine again.

    The great feat Jaguar achieved with its   X)12 was not in building the all-alloy V12   engine complete with four Stromberg carburettors – but actually getting it into the engine bay, and I thought an S-Type engine bay was full!. The workshop manual gives some indication of the associated problems of working on the engine when it is in there, eg.     ‘Section 1.9 To Replace Oil pump, see section 1.2 (which starts ‘remove engine from the car’)’ – ‘Section 10.8 To Change Rear Tail Light Bulb – see Section 1.2’ … Only kidding, but it seems that way! 

    Well, the finished car is a delight to drive, very smooth, very quiet, handles beautifully,     easily outbreaks the local ‘sixes’ (the Vanden  Plas has ventilated front discs) and plenty of power to cruise at highly illegal speeds.

     A nuisance on country roads are so-called four-wheel drives which have never seen a   dirt road and dawdle along the highway until a large and long entourage of vehicles is captured behind. This used to be frustrating,  but in the Vanden Pla

Next, I removed the front passenger guard, which proved extraordinarily heavy – another XJ made of good British steel. No way, masses of bronze welding had been used to repair minor accident damage, and it felt like an anchor! At this point, it became important to evaluate whether to go ahead and repair the original body or purchase a wreck and transfer the components… After all, nobody would know – but I would – this car was worth the effort, and besides, I’ve seen worse examples that owners had proudly restored and featured in English magazines.
    So the original body was duly delivered to a local panel works, which I have faith in; I have worked on Jaguars beforehand and specialise in unusual makes – The Jaguar was parked next to a Cadillac at one stage and looked positively small in comparison! Replacement body panels were used where available, and old-fashioned skills revived to beat a flat piece of steel into shape for the half of that “heavy guard”. This may make it all sound simple, but in summary, after many hours of painstaking and often frustrating effort, the body was ready for stripping to totally bare metal for the re-spray.
    The suspension was quickly found to be in a poor and definitely unsafe condition. One front ball- joint was worn to a flat surface, the rubber mounts holding the front suspension to the body had completely detached, the steering rack leaked very badly (an exchange unit was fitted), but I couldn’t believe how well the car had driven in this state. Just how good was it going to be when new bushes and other new components were fitted?
    Attention was next given to the engine, which was leaking oil (of course) and had one cylinder showing very low compression. While out of the car the huge engine received new gaskets, seals on both ends of the crankshaft, a few new valves, a replacement piston and ancillary units such as the starter motor and alternator also received attention. The gearbox had recently been reconditioned and so was not touched. The diff pinion seal was replaced along with a stainless steel sleeve, and the rear brake callipers were split to have new pistons fitted.
    Back on the trailer for the short trip from the panel shop to the spray booth, a decision was needed regarding the colour.   
In my mind, Jaguar V12 look ‘Purrfect’ in British Racing Green. Still, the Jaguar Daimler Heritage Trust Certificate obtained from Ann Harris at browns lane showed the original colour to have been ‘Morello’….
    So what does Morello look like?
    Nobody knew, but a formula was found in an older book so the paint shop mixed up enough to spray a display panel. Mmmm, sort of like a good red wine, or as others unkindly remarked – a squashed mulberry! With Morello exterior and a new chamois interior to replace the old split seats and water-damaged door trims it should look OK – so on with the two-pack paint. A new vinyl roof and a careful restoration of the inlaid dash and door panels (unique to Sanden Pals at the time) saw the body ready to accept the engine again.

    The great feat Jaguar achieved with its   X)12 was not in building the all-alloy V12   engine complete with four Stromberg carburettors – but actually getting it into the engine bay, and I thought an S-Type engine bay was full!. The workshop manual gives some indication of the associated problems of working on the engine when it is in there eg.     ‘Section 1.9 To Replace Oil pump, see section 1.2 (which starts ‘remove engine from the car’)’ – ‘Section 10.8 To Change Rear Tail Light Bulb – see Section 1.2’ … Only kidding, but it seems that way! 

    Well, the finished car is a delight to drive, very smooth, very quiet, handles beautifully,     easily outbreaks the local ‘sixes’ (the Vanden  Plas has ventilated front discs) and has plenty of power to cruise at highly illegal speeds.

     A nuisance on country roads are so-called four-wheel drives which have never seen a   dirt road and dawdle along the highway until a large and long entourage of vehicles is captured behind. This used to be frustrating,  but in the Vanden Plas, a simple touch on the accelerator gives the occupants a big push in  the back. The slower vehicle is relegated to a dot in the rear-view mirror before the  V12 settles back to a legal speed limit.

      Was it worth spending the sort of money that would have bought a reasonable late model from the ‘big two’? Every time I fill up at the service station, I say NO, but a few minutes down the highway, the answer is definitely YES. Functional plastic versus engineering and traditional craftsmanship is no contest!  

s a simple touch on the accelerator gives the occupants a big push in the back, and the slower vehicle is relegated to a dot in the rear-view mirror before the  V12 settles back to a legal speed limit.

      Was it worth spending the sort of money that would have bought a reasonable late model from the ‘big two’? Every time I fill up at the service station, I say NO, but a few minutes down the highway, the answer is definitely YES. Functional plastic versus engineering and traditional craftsmanship is no contest!  

Queensland Jaguar Drivers Club Capricornia Branch

1958 Jaguar 3.8 Litre S Type Jaguar

Owned By Max Parnell

The S-type Jaguar was built from 1963 until 1968, and this is one with highly desirable specifications.   
The 3.8 L twin overhead cam, six-cylinder engine produces 220 bhp and is the same basic engine as used in the famous racing D type.
Jaguar 3.8 Litre S Type Jaguar
.  This car has a four-speed full synchromesh gearbox built by Jaguar with electronic overdrive.  Four-wheel Dunlop power disk brakes, inboard at the rear were standard as is the front wheel independent suspension and limited slip diff, all borrowed from the E type.  The car has wire wheels and of course, a wood and leather interior.  The car, purchased from a sheep property near Longreach, was restored over eight years ago. It was sold new in Malaysia and was brought to QLD in 1977 by an airman at the Australian Airforce Base.

Some School Jokes

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one –
“Robert, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” she asked.
“Just a minute, I have to go piss.”
The teacher replied, “That would be rude and impolite!”
“What about you John, how would you say it?”
“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, ‘ll be right back.”
The teacher responded, “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table.”
“And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us
your good manners?”
“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment,
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll
get to meet after supper.”

————————————————————————————-

LIFETIME OF SHAME

    The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. ‘We live today in verydifficult times for  young people. In moments of temptation,’ she said, ‘ask yourself just one question:  Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?’
     A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,  ‘Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?’

—————————————————-

DIRTY MIND


At the back of the class, little scruffy Johnny says, “I’ve got something under my desk that’s an inch long, white, and it has a red end.”
“Dirty little boy,” said the teacher.

——————————————————–

MISTAKEN

This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although  familiar, he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says, “sorry do you know me?”  She replies, “I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of  one of my children!”  His mind shoots back to the one, and only time he has been unfaithful,  “Christ!” he says “are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?”
“No”, she replies, “I’m your son’s English Teacher”

—————————————————-

     IMPROVED  MATHS

Little Johnnie was going to a public school and doing very badly in maths. So his mother decided to put him in a Catholic school. When she got his report card at the end of the term, his marks in math improved tremendously.
So she asked him why. He replied, “When I saw that naked guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business”!

——————————–

Some Doctor Jokes

Doctor Jokes

Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, “What have you done to enter Heaven?”
“I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord’s babies into the world.”
“Good enough to enter the gates,” replied St. Peter and in he goes.
The same question is asked of the second doctor.
“I am a general practitioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor.”
St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates.
The third doctor steps up in line and, knowing the question, blurts out, “I am a director of an HMO.”
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, “Fine, you can enter Heaven…but only for 2 days.”


LETTERS
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. He notices a red ‘H’ on her chest as she removes her blouse. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. He notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest as she removes her blouse. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. He notices a green ‘M’ on her chest as she removes her blouse. “Do you have a boyfriend in Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin; why do you ask?”

HARLEY GIRL
A woman goes to her doctor’s office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs. There was A green spot on the inside of each. They won’t wash off or scrape off and seem to get worse.
The doctor assures her he’ll get to the bottom of the problem and tells her not to worry until the tests return.
A few days later, the woman’s phone rings. Much to her relief, it’s the doctor. She immediately begs to know what’s
causing the spots.
The doctor says, “You’re perfectly healthy–there’s no problem. But I’m wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?”
The woman stammers, “Why, Yes, but how did you know?”
“Tell him his earrings aren’t real gold.”


SPAGHETTI
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterwards, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by, and then one day, the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a bizarre postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, “‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'”